I looked at Lisa with disbelief… I just couldn’t grasp the thought that after some four months of suffering, and so much loss, everything we, and even loved ones had gone through, was being weighed on a broken balance. It’s as if we had prepared for the toughest marathon of our lives, and suddenly, when we were so close to the finish line, someone who just joined in decides to quit…
One may wonder: what’s the big deal?… Let them quit. …Just keep running.
Oh… If it was that simple. You see, out in the middle of the ocean, you can’t quit and walk home. Quitting means, making a journey identical to the hell you have just suffered, going BACKWARDS!!!… And in their case, they were in a 27 foot boat with a skipper consumed with fear, and a young couple with no sailing experience.
Still one may wonder?… That’s their decision. …You keep running.
Oh… How I wish we could have just done that. But once again, the journeys Ad-nai places before us, have twists and turns with crucial moments of decision that are never simple… Actually, the decision is always simple, but the consequences are eternal…
I sat on the bottom deck experiencing a range of emotions that have no words to describe, but they lead only to one thing… Weeping… And I wept…
There haven’t been many moments in my life where I have literally cried out to G-d. This was one of them… Perhaps the worst of them…
“Have I done something wrong??? Have my words, thoughts, actions, or deeds, disqualified me and my family…” My question revealed the broken state of mind I was in. Certainly on any normal day, this would be a very ridiculous question; I’m certain that my words, thoughts, actions, and deeds, disqualified me every day. But still, I asked. Perhaps because even in my brokenness I knew I was not called for this mission because of my words, thoughts, actions, or deeds…
“Please Father!… Please!… Tell me what I’ve done, that I may repent and continue forward… Don’t leave me here not knowing what to do… Please!!!!… I don’t know what to do…” I cried and cried…
After what seemed like an endless eternity, a simple whisper came to me: “Torah preserves life, will they be alive before they make it back home?”
Then I remembered the words Smokey had just spoken, “We’re all gonna die!!!”
So I answered, “I can’t say if they will live or die, but I have the Torah on board Aleph Tav, and I can follow them back home to do my best to help them stay alive…”
Funny, I wanted so much to “repent” for something, so that I could continue forward. What an oxymoron, considering that “teshuvah” (repentance in Hebrew) means to turn around…
I rose up and looked at Lisa. “Honey… Is there any other way?…” I asked. “No Peter, we have to do what we have to do…”
“But this means everything we have gone through has been for nothing. And now, all our provisions for the trip forward, will be spent going back to that forsaken gnat infested, redneck, anti Jewish, racist confederate hell hole, with no way or means to make the journey again!…” I vented
“I know…” She answered as she prepared for the trip back.
“Captain… We have to take them back.” I spoke over the radio.
La Victoria prepared to turn around right behind Yod Hey.
Andre who had become extremely seasick from gutting his prize barracuda came on the radio: “Dad… what the #%&@ is GOING ON!!!!!!!???? I SWEAR I’M GONNA PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE #%&@ing MOUTH!!!!”
Just then, a heavy swell tossed us up and over, just enough for the motor’s intake to swallow up a gulp of air. And let me tell you, if you didn’t already know; diesels do not like air in the fuel lines.
To be continued